Crying and Love-Making, How Do These Two Go Together?

If you ever cried during your orgasm and wondered what the fuck it was all about, the answer is quite simple.

The orgasm created a chain reaction that resulted in the release of some tension from your emotional body. Nothing more, nothing less.

Perhaps you knew what this tension was about. But possibly, you had no clue.

It’s not that important to figure it out.

There’s no need to analyze or interpret the reason for the tears.

Only to accept them fully.


It only happened to me once.

I was with a partner that I cherished and trusted.

We enjoyed delicate, thoughtful lovemaking.

One time, just as I was sensing an orgasm making its way into my awareness, I noticed a rush of some unnamed emotion taking over me. I didn’t know what it was. Nevertheless, I started crying.

There were not many tears. I wasn’t sobbing. More like puling, if anything.

But the memories of this emotion outlasted those of the orgasm.

Emotions 101.

Normally in my life, when a strong emotion surfaces, it comes with a story attached. When I am sad, it’s usually because I miss something or someone from my life. When I am angry, it’s usually because I am not accepting a certain situation. Other emotions have their own stories attached.

And I focus on the story with all my might. The story justifies my emotion, which means the emotion can intensify, and it can pop its head again every time I recall the story.

In the event of crying during my orgasm, the experience was different. The emotion presented itself as a pure emotion. Sans story.

The lack of a story meant I didn’t delve into it. I was feeling it and releasing it and that was the end of it.

I wish all of my emotions would work their way this way.

Letting go of an emotion.

Hale Dwoskin, author of The Sedona Method, says — “Feelings only lie.”

By this, he means that the stories we tell ourselves about the feelings have no base in reality.

If we simply allow ourselves to feel our emotions, if there was never a story attached to our emotions — emotions would simply come and go and not interfere with our lives.

A nature documentary I watched not long ago comes into my mind.

Two male Beluga whales were fighting over a female. She was swimming fast, away from both, while the two males were chasing her, bashing each other at the same time to slow the other one down. It seemed quite ferocious.

After a few minutes, the female disappeared out of sight, and the two Belugas stopped. They moved closer to each other in what appeared to be a consoling hug.

As there was no story attached (“I lost the female because of you!”), the aggressiveness died down as soon as the circumstances changed. And it gave room for what they needed at the moment: friendship.

In an ideal world, we would all let go of emotions naturally, so they don’t keep showing up when the situation has changed and they are not needed anymore.

What should you do when you cry during sex?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Allow the emotion to be released from your body in the form it chose for you.

If it’s crying, cry.

It it’s sobbing, sob.

If it’s screaming, scream.

Be gentle with yourself and with your partner.

Be with the emotion and don’t try to figure it out.

Just let it go, and remember that it is perfect for your body to do so.

What should you do when your partner starts crying during sex?

It can be really confronting.

You have sex with your woman, you think everything is hunky-dory — and then, all of a sudden, she starts crying.

This does not mean you did anything wrong. It’s most probably not about you at all.

You just triggered an emotion that lay dormant inside her, and somewhere in her psyche, she felt safe enough to release it.

If anything, your partner’s crying could mean that she feels safe enough around you to allow herself to release her emotions.

What you need to do now, is continue with caution.

Whatever you are doing — slow down, and be more attentive to her body. Try and find her eyes if you can, and see what they tell you.

She might not be in a position to say anything, but the best course of action is to read her cues and follow their subtle instructions.

If crying happens more than once, it would be a good idea to discuss it before the next time you have sex. Ask her what she would prefer you do next time it happens. Just don’t make a big deal out of it.


Remember, sex between partners is not just about physical release. It has a strong emotional component, and when done right, sex can connect and elevate us.

Sex, when done right, can hold the potential to heal us.