Do you know your lady bits?
Those parts of the body that are not meant to be seen by the general public?
It’s very fashionable in some circles, to learn to love your lady bits. “Appreciate your pussy” workshops where you take photos of your vulva (meaning, the outer parts of your “lady bits”) and make artistic displays… Well. I understand it. A lot of women have a weird relationship with their lady bits – their vagina, their vulva, and don’t let me get started about breasts. But I would argue that there are better ways to get over our issues than forcing us to appreciate the visual aspect of our vulvae.
I want to shout to the world – I don’t think my vulva is beautiful!
I looked in there with a mirror. Multiple times. And it wasn’t a pretty sight. And I didn’t get used to it. So what? Who gives a damn?
Sure, if you look at the porn industry models, there are definitely some gorgeous, symmetrical, clean, attractive vulvae out there. And mine is quite horrible to look at. I won’t compare my body to that of a fashion model (because that is a form of insanity that leads to all sorts of ill feelings… And eating disorders…), so why should I compare my “lady bits” to those seen in the porn industry?
Oh yes. You think my lover cares?
Think again. The way the vulva looks like is not a factor whatsoever in the way he enjoys it. He loves giving it attention, a lot of attention, in many forms and ways, but that does not mean he needs to admire the way it looks like.
(You can find an interesting, daring, male point of view on this subject here. Be warned that some might find this article a bit rude, but I thought it was an honest piece, and although I might disagree with the author about things he wrote about sex elsewhere, I still think it’s refreshing to read someone being so honest and NOT politically correct).
Both my lover and I enjoy the tremendous pleasure that is available to us through the endless sensations that arise during sex – but that does not mean we need to stop to have a close look at the vulva. It is absolutely not necessary.
My sense of appreciation to my “lady bits” stems from my ability to feel.
Not the way they look like. It’s how my vagina has emerged from being shut down and tense (simply due to the ongoing practice of “friction based sex” – AKA pumping and thrusting) to being alive. For years, I couldn’t feel anything from inside the vagina. Now, after years of practicing mostly slow sex, the entire region is vibrant with an aliveness that I can only describe as magical. The remarkable recovery which allowed for the yummiest of sensations to reveal themselves is what truly makes me appreciate my “lady bits”. And it doesn’t matter if I refer here to my vulva or my vagina or my clitoris or my breasts. I couldn’t care less what they look like.
I do, however, love them for their ability to make me enjoy a good pleasuring.
So, do you need to love your “lady bits”?
I think you need to love them in the sense of – care for them, treat them with respect and give them the attention they long for. But not in the sense of – feeling confident that they look good enough for a magazine photo shoot. I hope that makes sense.
If you’ve tried some slow sex techniques, like the ones I mention in my free e-course, you might know what I’m talking about when I mention the ability to feel all the subtle sensations. Now, this is something to be truly appreciative of!
Love your lady bits, but please stop obsessing about their appearance, OK?