Have you ever come across that info somewhere, that sex gets better for women once they hit their 40’s?
I sure did.
But this has little to do with age, really. It has to do with confidence. Women that know what they like; women that feel confident enough to ask for it and not compromise their pleasure; women that have better communication skills than others; women that understand their bodies better, and women that don’t have body image issues – these are the women that enjoy their sex lives more.
Some women have amazing sex lives from the word go. But some, like me, take a long time to find the sex practice that tickles their fancy.
My journey into enjoying sex was not so straight forward. It took me many years of the wrong attitude and too many attempts to push hard into enjoyment until I found the approach to sex that finally worked for me. But even once I was well submerged into the knowledge of mindful, slow sex – which had the most profound impact on my sex life and life in general, I was still lacking the confidence and the skills to ask and insist for what I wanted. Depending on the partner and depending on the nature of our relationship, I would sometimes do sex the way that I knew was not optimal for me. For example, allowing my partner to penetrate even though I was not fully ready for it. Or I’d go for a conventional sex session that left me feeling disconnected at the end instead of fully invigorated and full of life. And if I’m totally honest, I still do. But less and less often.
The more I’m practicing sex the way I truly desire, the more satisfaction I feel in my sex life as a whole, and the more I can accept it when I sometimes slip out of that alignment. It’s all part of the learning curve. And now that I know how amazing sex feels like, there’s no way I would settle for anything less, at least not on an ongoing basis.
What I’m saying is, the time to learn what works for you is now. You might be 18, or 40, or 78. It doesn’t matter. What matters is, if you are not satisfied with your sex life as a whole, and you tried a few tricks and tips without meaningful progress, it’s time to change your attitude altogether. Start with a blank page. Forget what sex should be like. And start learning and practicing sex from a naive, innocent, vulnerable, inquisitive state of mind. It won’t be perfect every time, but at least you’ll know what you’re striving for, and what is the basic road map that will take you there.
I’m a huge advocate of slow, mindful sex. It worked for me because I resonated with shifting the focus from a goal (orgasm) into connecting to my partner, and to the here and now. But the mind shift didn’t happen overnight. The confidence in my ability to enjoy sex and to get what I want didn’t just drop off the sky. It’s a process.
I urge you not to delay. Don’t wait until you have the confidence before you start to explore what works for you. Do the opposite: learn what works for you, and through that, gain your confidence. Seek for that confidence actively, don’t just assume it will come with age.
Start implementing my tips from the free eCourse immediately, so you can learn and grow and discover how deeply connecting and fulfilling sex can be.
And if you have any questions or would like to share your experience with me, you can contact me directly with this form: