Hint: rock the boat, baby.
But what if…
What if you already tried teaching your man tactically – not verbally,
What if you are patient and carefully showed your man a few times how you like being touched,
What if your man even tried it a couple of times, then went back to his old ways?
Or worse – what if your man tells you that he is turned off by you asking him to do things differently?…
If this is you, I want you to keep on reading.
First I want you to acknowledge
that no one likes being told that they are not good at something.
Especially in bed, which can be such a delicate topic. If your partner thinks you don’t like what they do in bed, that can be so disheartening for them.
I mean, really, we hardly ever talk openly about sex, and when we do, the last thing we want to hear is that we need to improve… Am I right?
So when we talk to our partner about sex we have to give them lots of compliments. Think of all the things they do that really work for you. Things that turn you on. Things that melt you… Things that give you goosebumps when you recall them doing…
Please give your partner compliments as often as you can. Not only when you’re about to tell them what you want, but also just like that, every now and then, for no particular reason.
Build their confidence that there are plenty of things they do in bed which you enjoy.
This will also remind you, yourself, to focus on the positive, so that the thing you want to ask them to do is not going to be your center of attention.
This brings me to the second thing.
When the thing you want to ask them to do is not the most important thing in the world, it will be easier for you to make a request.
See, many people, when asking, they’re actually making demands.
They expect the other person to comply.
And the implications of a refusal can be devastating.
If, however, internally we are totally OK with a refusal – if we understand that when we ask we are merely requesting, and the other person has all the right to refuse, then the pressure is off.
It’s not going to be the end of the world if they say no.
Yes, but what if…
What if the thing you want in bed is really crucial?
What if, if they don’t ever do it, your sex life is going to be mediocre forever?
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, however, this can be a tricky situation to navigate.
On the one hand, you have a great partner, you get along really well –
On the other hand, your sex life is on the lacking side of things.
I’m going to be very blunt but I really do have to say this.
Your job here is to turn yourself on and lead the way into true satisfaction in your sex life.
This means you need to be bold.
Sure, you can start small and take baby steps, but you need to be the one that takes charge.
Perhaps taking charge just means you need to learn how to talk to your partner about sex (look at the Having That Difficult Conversation video here).
More often than not, simply having a courageous conversation is an excellent start to transforming your entire sex life – and relationship, to that matter.
Or maybe that means you need to look into other ways that will fulfill you sexually even without your partner doing that thing you think you need them to do.
This might not be easy – especially to start with – but it is really worth it.
What if things become worse? Let me tell you my recent story.
I want to share with you something that happened to me very recently with my partner.
We enjoy a fulfilling and beautiful sex life.
And we talk very openly about things in bed.
Recently I told my partner that there’s this one thing he does that I don’t like him doing.
And it killed his sex drive completely.
Which resulted in my enthusiasm to plummet into the negative zone.
For a good few minutes there I started thinking that I just killed our sex life for good…
How could have I, which teaches people how to talk about sex, how could I have made such a rooky mistake and ruin our sex life? For a good few minutes, I was really worried that we’ll never enjoy each other’s bodies again 🙁
But this is life.
We needed to repair and restore and work with what we’ve got.
And we did.
We navigated this very unpleasant terrain and reached another, much more satisfying territory.
When we completed that conversation, we felt more connected and more in love than we did before.
And guess what?
My gorgeous man did get it.
He stopped doing that thing I didn’t like.
And since then he has replaced that touch with the kind of touch that he now understood was really working for me.
And our sex life is even better now.
It does not need to be perfect.
And sometimes things might seem to be getting worse before they improve.
But you must be brave enough to take the first step – and even if you might make a mistake or two along the way, please take the risk of making things worse temporarily –
Please don’t settle on a sex life that doesn’t really work for you just because you don’t want to rock boat.
Please rock the boat, baby.