Have you heard about the Law of Attraction?

It’s been a buzz word for a while some ten-years ago, and I think these days most people have some understanding of what it means.

If you never read the book the Law of Attraction by Jerry and Esther Hicks, or saw the film (or read the book) The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, here’s a super-quick summary:

Everything you desire, everything you wish for, is already given to you. And the only thing that keeps you away from receiving it – is your own self-sabotaging. Remove that self-sabotaging, in the form of doubt/fear/negative emotions surrounding whatever it is you wish to have, and voila! – it is yours.

I know, I am simplifying things tremendously, but bear with me, please.

This article is not really about the Law of Attraction or about how to get what you want. It’s about realizing that what you want is not actually what you want.

A few words about the Abraham-Hicks teachings.

If you never heard of them before, or you are relatively new to their teachings, you might think that they teach you how to get stuff. They teach you how to attract into your life those things that you want: money, fame, a great career, big car, big house, a lover. Whatever it is that you desire.

The truth is, it’s all a trick.

Which is not to say that their new-age approach doesn’t work. But it’s all a trick because they are tricking you to believe that if you follow their method to achieve your desires, your desires will manifest.

Only, once you get deeper into their teaching you find that their teaching is not about getting stuff. It’s about being happy.

What they actually teach us is how to be happy. All the time. No matter what. If we get our stuff and if we don’t get our stuff.

They are tricking you because they know you want your stuff. Let’s be honest here: we all do. And they lure you by saying: follow our instructions to get it! They teach you that in order to get stuff, you need to be in a constant state of mind of gratitude, appreciation, and to let go of the anxiety that surrounds getting your stuff.

You have been tricked, see? You learned how to be happy in order to get your stuff. Read: even before you get your stuff. And now you are in a constant state of being of happiness and joy. (Abraham-Hicks call it the vortex).

When you master their teachings, regardless of having your stuff – you are having an awesome time! Life is so great, it makes no difference at all if you have your stuff or not.

Abraham-Hicks tricked you into thinking you’ll get stuff. Instead, they gave you happiness that is independent of stuff. Pretty neat, hey?

And now you realized that you actually didn’t want your stuff to start with. You simply wanted to be happy.

What does this have to do with sex and sexuality?

Some of us are feeling that our sex lives are a bit pear-shaped. Something is simply not good enough: maybe we’re not enjoying it as much as we hoped we would. Maybe we lost our libido. Maybe we feel pain or maybe we’re uncomfortable with something. Whatever the case might be.

We go looking for answers. We want to fully enjoy sex. Like they do in the movies, you know?

Orgasms. Bliss. Completely being taken over by pleasure. That sort of sex.

We look for pleasure and how to enhance it. We buy the sex toy, we experiment with a fantasy role-play, we take a course about Tantric breathing-techniques. We learn how to make pleasure a priority in our lives.

Then, some of us are observant enough to notice it is not really about the pleasure at all. The pleasure is a means to an end.

If we pay close attention we notice that what really happens is:

  1. We learn to overcome pleasure-blocks that we hold, making us happier in our lives as a whole;
  2. We learn that the most amazing thing that happens during a conscious-sex session, is connection.

The superficial is a door to a deep satisfaction.

The satisfaction derived from getting stuff is superficial. It is almost immediately replaced by the craving for more stuff. Or better stuff.

Whereas being consistently happy and grateful? This is what we really crave for.

When it comes to sex, the satisfaction derived from orgasms, or even just from focusing on pleasure, is superficial. It is never truly fulfilling.

The deep satisfaction comes when we feel connected: to ourselves, to another human being, to life. This is what sex is really about.

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We live our lives in a constant feeling that something is missing. It is almost a universal plague that inflicts human beings wherever we are.

We seek for something better. Greater.

That something that is missing in our lives is wholesome joy. Simple happiness.

And we can find that happiness in many forms. Some forms more sustainable than others.

Happiness takes many shapes.

Biological happiness: Some happiness can be found in pleasure. The pleasure of eating something delicious, the pleasure of cold water pouring over your face on a hot summer’s day. Also, the pleasure of an orgasm.

This type of happiness is quite transitory and disappears soon after the pleasurable sensations are over. (Or worse: during our pleasurable experience, we start thinking of its end and we’re already miserable again!)

Pleasure is a beautiful form of happiness, but it is not reliable. We can definitely be happy when there’s pleasure in our life, as long as we don’t make it our main source of happiness.

Mental happiness: Happiness that is derived from achieving goals – including goals of getting stuff – is also not very sustainable. Soon after we achieve our goal, our minds become agitated again, and we search for a new goal to reach.

Certainly, achieving goals is a cause for celebration. But we need to understand that this, too, shall pass.

Social happiness: Happiness that is felt when we reflect upon our lives and we notice we have close relations and friends is very strong. When we know we have a support circle that can help us in times of need, and that there are people in that circle that can trust us to be there for them when they need us, is priceless.

If this is where you derive your happiness from, you are living a content life.

Spiritual happiness: Happiness that is found in us all the time, no matter what, regardless of external situations. This happiness is always in us. It never leaves us. And this is what most of us are searching for.

Most people find it through spiritual dedication. Without getting into the details – as there are many spiritual paths as one can think of – if you have found this happiness, you are probably enlightened. I’m honored to think you are reading this article.

We are all seeking happiness. On our way, some of us find pleasure. Some find a sense of accomplishment. Blessed are the ones that find strong connections with other people. And few and far between find the Divine.

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