For someone who writes about sex and relationships, I am as naive as it gets.
Who am I kidding?
I am naive in any standard, regardless of me writing about relationships and sex.
I seem to always have an underlying assumption that the people I encounter along the way are the responsible, mature, conscientious kind.
Even when it comes to online dating.
I can recall a few things I did with guys I only just met that made my friends raise an eyebrow.
And I’m not talking about having sex — quite the opposite.
I’m talking about me being 100% absolutely sure that these guys which I started dating, will not touch me a second before I am ready. I’m talking inviting men to my house and knowing they will respect my boundaries and just be completely decent human beings.
To be honest, I am not sure at all that it’s due to me being naive.
I think mostly it has to do with me being super-suspicious and very scared. I don’t even bother engaging in communication with those who I can’t relate to.
So by the time I meet them, I feel like I already know them to some degree.
Sure, there are no guarantees in life. But that can also be true for someone you know for years, so…
I trust the people that I meet. And I trust my intuition that filtered the less-trustworthy guys out.
Then again, perhaps it does come down to me being naive.
After a long break, I’m getting back into online dating.
I don’t like telling guys that I write about sex before I meet them. First, I think that they could potentially Google my name and read everything I wrote and know tons of stuff about me. Which is not a leveled playing field for starting getting to know each other.
Second, I am also afraid that they might have some assumptions of who I am and how I might be as a date or as a partner, just because I write openly about sex.
So I’d rather not tell them.
But since sometimes I like doing things which I don’t like doing…
I decided to break my own rule. Experimenting, really.
I sent this guy a link to one of my articles.
I wasn’t even expecting him to get back to me. It was such an odd pick up line on my behalf.
But once he showed interest, and suggested we meet, I was up for it.
So after a nice phone conversation that established we might have a few things in common — we decided on a date.
It was my first “first date” in what seems like a very very very very (you get the point) long time.
We met around midday for a walk on the beach.
We talked and talked and talked and talked.
There were a few awkward moments and a few interesting ones. And the truth is, about 3 hours later, I didn’t want it to end.
But it was time.
I walked him to his car and enjoyed a lovely warm goodbye hug before I got back to my car, probably a bit high, probably slightly giddy.
I really had such a lovely time.
I innocently thought to myself, how silly of me that I didn’t thank him for coming all the way especially to see me. After all, he did drive about two hours each way just to see me.
…Or did he?
All of a sudden it daunted on me.
Could it be that he drove two hours each way because he knew I write about sex and he expected that I would jump into bed with him?
Surely, no way. I mean, he seems like such a sweet, lovely, evolved, blah, blah, blah…
Could it be that he just wanted sex???
OK, let me tell you something. I learned my lesson, that’s for sure.
Next time, if I tell someone in advance that I write about relationships and sex, I also need to let them know — in advance — that this does not mean that I jump into having sex easily or quickly or what have you.
If anything, I’m probably slower in that department than many other women.
I don’t want to be misleading or manipulating in any way, shape, or form.
I mean, since I talk openly about sex anyway, I can tell a guy right off the bat: I love having sex, but there needs to be a firm, established connection for sex to happen.
I don’t decide in advance how long to wait, but I do like taking my time when it comes to sex.