About 3 months ago my current boyfriend told me that I should teach people about sex. It left me in a bit of a shock – me? Being open and talking to other people about sex? Really? I’m so embarrassed by the subject…
In my own life, I have had a few close friends who were totally happy to talk about their sex life. They were telling me more details than I wanted to know… TMI, you know? Sometimes it was difficult to listen to them without blushing…
But the worst part of it was, back when I was not enjoying my sex life, that I was too ashamed to tell anybody what was going on for me. Even to those close friends who openly shared their sex troubles with me. They would say things like:
“I don’t know what to do, I’m so worried, I didn’t have sex with my partner for a whole fortnight now”
“We stayed in bed for the entire weekend and tried every sex position imaginable but I didn’t really enjoy it when he…”
You get the gist of things.
They basically were having a really good sex life, with a few hiccups here and there.
Whereas for me, I had quite a miserable sex life and I didn’t want to admit it to anyone. Not even to myself. I could go without sex with my (then) partner for a couple of months at a time. We tried a few different sex techniques and tricks, but sex was never that great, so listening to my friends’ complaints was extremely uncomfortable for me. Needless to say, I said nothing.
A few months ago, after my boyfriend’s remark that I should teach sex – the idea started bubbling inside me and so I looked at some internet forums and did a little research before I started this blog.
And what I found was, that most women who were active on those forums, were the ones that mostly enjoyed conventional sex. They were seeking and giving advice with the same attitude that my friends had: sex is really awesome, but there’s a tiny issue so let’s find an easy fix for it.
And occasionally, I would come across a woman who asked a question from a more deeply disturbed space: “I think there’s something wrong with me, I never reach an orgasm” or something along those lines. These posts would pop up and then will disappear soon after.
I could recognize my old self in those posts. It was so clear to me that these women, have received the wrong type of advice and now they had felt shame and deleted their post.
I don’t know for a fact, but I have a suspicion that the women who don’t enjoy sex, the women who are finding it difficult to fully embrace sex and pleasure, are a silent majority.
The embarrassment is so uncomfortable that they don’t want to be heard at all. Like I used to be.
Up until about a month ago, and while my sex life was now a total 180 degrees from what it used to be when I didn’t enjoy it, I still found it embarrassing to talk openly about sex. Talking about sex started to be more and more comfortable only very recently, throughout the process of creating this website and talking to people about what I’m doing these days and how I would like to make sex a natural subject to talk about. And I realized, it’s simply a matter of practice. Changing my habits, and seeing that blushing is not mandatory when talking about sex.
Yesterday I met an old friend which I haven’t seen for a while. And the topic of what I do these days came up. And for the first time, I didn’t feel embarrassed when I told her about my new website. I didn’t blush. And I felt totally at ease.
If you are reading this post and you’re too uncomfortable to leave a comment, please know, you’re not alone. I hope for all of us, that you won’t feel embarrassed for long. But please take your time and wait until you’re ready. In the future, I hope that this website will be a hub for anyone who feels too shy or shameful discussing their sex troubles.
In the meantime, if you want to talk to someone, you could shoot me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I promise I’ll get back to you.