Porn as the Younger Generation’s Sex Educator.

When I grew up, I heard that there are magazines that show naked women. They were not easy to come across, and one day I think I got a glimpse of a page that featured such a perplexing image.

Later in life, as I matured, I was able to get my hands on a mature-content videotape every now and then, which I used to watch with a partner.

Then, the internet became a thing. And with it, porn became readily available.

Most discussions about the subject of porn around the internet, are focused on issues like porn addiction (where people are turning to porn so frequently that it affects their romantic relationships), and the tremendous amount of abuse and misconduct that are prevalent in the porn industry these days.

Both aspects are quite disturbing.

One extremely important issue that doesn’t get to be discussed often, is that online porn is becoming our younger generation’s sex educator.

In a society that doesn’t talk maturely and openly about sex, young people – sometimes as young as eight and some even go further to say six – have access to porn almost without restrictions, which means it simply becomes their main source of learning about sex.

On top of that –

the porn industry is constantly pushing hard-core, violent, abusive sexual behavior into the mainstream.

Some people are really turned on by this type of sex, and for them, it’s great that this genre of porn is available.

But young adults these days grow up to think that what they see in porn is supposed to turn them on. And as the porn industry is pushing the violent and abusive images from the periphery of the industry and into the center of porn, where it’s displayed without warning, a sexually inexperienced person learns to believe that those types of sexual behaviors are the norm. Young adults look at porn and they think that they are expected to participate in sex in the way it’s being portrayed in porn because that’s what people do.

I’m even fearing that, as they watch porn from a very young age, their brain might actually rewire to develop the connection between what they see in porn and arousal. Meaning, they will eventually see these sexual behaviors as arousing, which they wouldn’t have without exposure to these images.

What can we do about it?

Porn is here to stay. What we need to do, is make sure that we are the sex educators of our children – and not porn.

A good start is to simply display affection in front of our children: hug, kiss, cuddle, be playful with your partner around your children. This will establish in their minds how a healthy relationship looks like: Loving. Intimate. Consensual. Fun for both parties.

And start talking to your children about sex. In whatever capacity you can allow yourself to.

If you’re feeling embarrassed, you will need to practice not-being-embarrassed. And guess what is the best way for practicing not-being-embarrassed while talking about sex? That’s right, talking about sex. You simply have to do it. Perhaps, if that makes it easier, start by talking with your partner first. Also, be honest with your children – tell them that you are embarrassed, but that you are practicing not being embarrassed because you know that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. If you talk to them while trying to hide the fact that you are embarrassed, it would just be awkward and you’ll make it worse for all of you.

Answer their questions about sex. And if you don’t know the answer, help them find the answer. Don’t let them find the answer from the wrong sources…

One alternative to porn.

One inspiring lady is actively promoting another option.

Cindy Gallop has started a website which is the social media antidote to porn. In this website, people can upload their own content of their sex lives, and anyone can watch sex which looks much more like what real-life sex would look like.

There is consent from all parties, including a guarantee to get the content off the internet in case a participant changes their mind for any reason, no questions asked.

This is her TED talk in which she launched her website. Really worth watching – though please be aware that she uses some explicit language:

Her website’s name is surprisingly similar to this website’s  – but it actually isn’t surprising at all.

May more and more websites on this mission pop up and influence our society.

One thought on “Porn as the Younger Generation’s Sex Educator.

  1. Arela B Wheeler says:

    I find Cindy’s talk quite similar to my thoughts. I took a psychology course that covered the addiction to pornography and the treatment of women (that context). This reminds me that I need to talk to my kids about this disorder that could possibly affect your abusive “romance”.

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