Most of us rational, intelligent, successful, capable adults, know that sex is nothing to feel ashamed of. We know it.
We have sex. We think about sex. We (hopefully) enjoy sex.
And we know it’s natural and beautiful and fun.
But we hardly talk about it. At least not in a constructive, helpful way.
We hardly talk to our friends about it. We hardly talk to our family about it. We hardly talk to our children about it.
Some of us are even finding it difficult to talk to our partner about it.
The reasons are pretty obvious. It’s the way we were raised – we learned that our sexual being is something that we need to hide. Our parents didn’t talk to us about sex. Many of us were punished, or at least have been told off, for playing with our genitals when we were young kids.
And deep feelings of shame and guilt have attached themselves to the entire subject of sex.
Add to this, the way sex is being portrayed in common media – one dimensional, objectified, goal-oriented, primordial and nothing beyond. Not to mention porn, which more often than not, has an abusive tone to it – and, let’s be honest, sometimes much than just a tone.
It’s not too difficult to see the connection between the hiding and shame around sex, and the many upheavals that our world suffers from – ranging from the small-scale problems of not being fully satisfied with our own private sexual life, to the big scale problems of sexual misconduct and sexual abuse.
We really need to make sex an open, transparent subject that we can freely discuss. We need to bring sex into our awareness. We need to raise it from the dark realms into the light of day. We need to encourage the discussion of sex at its rightful place, being a major influencer of our ongoing thoughts and our daily interactions.
I’ve started doing that in my life, and I’m aiming to expand the discussion in this blog.
I hope you will join me.