Recently I came across a wonderful article about fostering long-term relationships. It was called “Ten Powerful Tips For Building a Deep, Lasting Love” by Joel Almeida. (The link to the full article is at the bottom of this post).
Without going into the details, I want to share those tips here:
- Keep developing yourself.
- Cultivate compassionate love.
- Be responsive.
- Learn to tolerate unpleasant feelings.
- Adjust your expectations.
- Focus on what makes you feel lucky.
- Look after your health.
- Reassure yourself.
- Feed each other intellectually.
- Make time to play together, often.
Each and every one of these tips is so valuable and important, and I know you would agree.
But I had to question why one core element of a long lasting loving relationship is missing: having a consistent magnificent sex life.
I mean — sure, sex is implied in a few of these points, but it didn’t get to have a paragraph of its own. Why?
Is it because sex is something too embarrassing to mention?
It might be. Unfortunately, in our society, sex is a taboo, and we don’t get to discuss it freely. If we do, we risk everyone around us feeling embarrassed, and we might even be perceived as perverts. We rarely see an open, revealing, honest discussion about the subject of sex.
Is it because it’s so obvious that it doesn’t need to be listed?
Perhaps it’s really obvious. But even so, I would think that a simple explanation of what truly satisfying sex really is, would be included as a tip for building a loving lasting relationship. Especially as it might be very different than what most people imagine.
Or is it because the presence of a really great sex life is something that is viewed as a by-product of a loving relationship?
I would like to argue that the importance of a really good sex life in a long-term relationship, is actually crucial for a thriving, loving relationship. And it needs to be worked on, consciously, by both partners, in order to strengthen the connection and deepen the love. At the beginning stages of a relationship, you might be able to get away without investing too much in your sex life, as it tends to happen by itself and be exciting and magical without any effort. But for a long term relationship, in order for sex to keep being great, you need to do a little more work.
When both partners are experiencing a deeply fulfilling sex life on an ongoing basis, the connection outside the bedroom is getting stronger and the conflicts seem to be resolved quicker, before they blow out of proportions.
So I would like to add one more tip to the original article:
11. Invest in understanding and enhancing your sex life:
For many couples, sex has a tendency to become mundane over the years. Sex might be simply unexciting anymore, for some, it even becomes a chore that needs to be ticked off the “to do list”. But once you unlock the barriers that keep your sex life in the mediocre realm, and you are committed to making your sex life an important aspect of your long-term relationship, you quickly realize that the more you find fulfillment through sex, the more you want it, the more your libido enhances, the more you make sex an integral part of your partnership — the more connected you feel to your partner. There’s only one twist you need to be aware of: the sex practice that truly makes you feel connected to your partner may be totally different to what you believe sex is all about. It may be far removed from the way you practiced sex in the beginning of your relationship. It may be 180 degrees away from the sex that is portrayed in mainstream culture. You need to question what you believe sex “should” be, and evolve your sex practice to become the sex practice that facilitates that strong connection between the two of you.
Sex that is practiced with openness, curiosity, an inquisitive mind, and a desire to learn, will surely keep you on the right track for a fulfilling sex life and a strong relationship.