Or: you don’t have to rock your partner’s world to give them an unforgettable sexual experience.
Your common sexual advice article will give you mind-blowing techniques to give your partner the most exciting sexual experience of their lives.
You will probably read how to give them so much pleasure that they will get addicted to you and scream for more.
But my own experience has taught me that the experiences that people crave for sexually, the experiences that people will mostly revere, are those that give them support and connection.
It’s allowing them to be their authentic self at any given moment that they will keep talking about and reminding you of in years to come.
I don’t think of myself as a sexual person.
Yes, I am sexually active.
Yes, I write about sex and I teach sex.
But there is nothing sexual in the way I present myself.
The way I dress, the way I talk — and yes, even the way I write — is deliberately different from the way most people expect someone that makes sex their business to dress, talk, write, and behave.
The way I practice sex is also unlike what you would imagine sex should be like. And definitely unlike what you imagine good sex should be like.
Still, in recent years, every single lover I have had the pleasure to be with, told me that a sexual experience they had with me was the best one of their lives.
And although the sexual experience each lover has mentioned was a different one, the common ground between these experiences was that they felt supported.
Let me share with you a few examples of the things I did, that lovers told me were the best sexual experience that they’ve had:
Holding my partner’s penis gently yet firmly:
This was not done as a form of foreplay, nor did I do this to create excitement. It was merely a way of connecting to my partner’s penis and allowing it to just be. There was no expectation, from any of us, to do anything else.
Years later, while meeting as friends and recalling our time as lovers, he told me this was the most profound sexual experience he has had in his life.
Telling my partner I don’t expect him to be erect:
This was just before we were about to have sex for the first time. My partner confided in me that his penis is not as erect as it used to be when he was young. My response was to let him know that I love having sex with a soft penis and I don’t need an erection at all.
After this, we proceeded to have two days of lovemaking that we both later recalled as the best sex ever.
And just by the way, this partner has never had any erection issues ever since.
Holding my hands for a long time over my partner’s heart region:
It started like any ‘ol steamy sex practice, both of us naked on the bed, doing what lovers do. At some stage, I stopped all movement and put both my hands on my lover’s heart region, staying in stillness for what felt like an eternity, and looking into his (closed) eyes.
Later he told me this experience made him feel nursed. He said he felt that he was being taken care of, something he will cherish for his entire life.
Falling asleep spooning, with penetration:
This is one of my favorite ways of falling asleep. We do this when my partner and I are both tired and want to go to sleep but also want to feel deeply connected to each other. He spoons me in bed while his penis is inside me, and we allow ourselves to drop into sweet slumber.
The erection could last, or it might get softer before we both fall asleep, but it still feels loving and connecting.
All the partners I have practiced this with loved the sensation and relaxation of this practice and wanted to do this again and again.
When I first started teaching sex, the first woman I coached told me she wanted to “rock her partner’s world” sexually.
I didn’t have the confidence then that I have now, to let her know that although rocking your partner’s world sexually is a gift they would surely appreciate, the thing that they appreciate more than anything, is to feel supported, connected, and loved.