The end of January is just around the corner and I was wondering.
In case you are hoping to make 2019
“The year I became so amazingly satisfied with my sex life.”
Have you thought what would actually make it happen?
What is this thing that is missing from your life that would transform your sex life and make it really (and I mean really) fulfilling?
The recipe for having a truly rewarding sex life lies in:
- Gaining confidence around your sexuality (please read here what being confident actually mean and what it does not mean);
- Practicing some form of slow sex and integrating it into your sexual repertoire.
I wrote quite a lot about both topics.
Today I want to share with you a secret about developing confidence in your sex life, that is so simple yet profound.
Actually, it’s so stupidly simple that you’ll think I’m nuts. Only thing is, simple does not necessarily mean easy.
The secret to becoming confident in your sex life is: (drum roll please!)
Practice practice practice.
It is very simple: the more you practice expressing yourself; the more you talk about sex, about your sex life and about your sexuality – the easier it gets. This principle is obvious. And once you’re confident talking about sex, the sky is the limit: you start feeling confident learning, exploring, being vulnerable and authentic. Yes, it is that simple.
But it is not easy. It is not easy because we are ashamed. We feel guilt or even disgust.
We are so afraid that our sexuality, which has been hidden so well for so long, will be revealed.
We are terrified because so many times we think sex is such a dark part of us.
We don’t want to openly share with our partner: our fantasies; our wishes; our true desires.
We are afraid of being judged.
And it feels so much safer to keep it all inside us.
On top of that, and unfortunately, in our society sex is still taboo, and simply talking about it is definitely tricky.
So here is what you need to be doing:
Find a venue that feels safe and receptive.
One that won’t judge. One that will accept you as you are.
How is this for a challenge?
Decide you will start talking about sex.
How to start talking about sex? Tips!
- Start with someone that you can be very vulnerable with. Your best friend or your partner are a good option. Share with them that you feel very uncomfortable – but that it’s important for you because you want to be more open and evolve on the sexual front.
- If you feel too uncomfortable still, or if you don’t know what to say – consider sharing something that is not personal. For example, you could share this blog post (or any other article that you stumbled across in the topic of sexuality).
- Some people find it easier to start sharing with complete strangers. You could find a few internet forums that specialize in different sex-related topics. I would just comment that if this is the route you take, please make sure that you don’t only stay there under your anonymity. The next stage is to talk to people that actually know you. And another tip re internet discussion forums: many times they are loaded with over-confident people. The type that knows everything and doesn’t really resonate with the less-confident ones. Which could become a bit discouraging…
- Do not start talking with people which you suspect – or know for a fact – are closed-minded, have rigid views of the world, or those that love to lecture you about what is right and what is wrong. These are the type of people whom you want to be talking to only after you are extremely confident.