Thoughts about Parenting, Gender, and Sexuality.

When you were three years old, you knew nothing about gender expression.

You had long hair that was curling at the bottom, hair which I adored and enjoyed brushing and tying. Only you didn’t like it. You wanted short hair like your best friend’s, Theo. You insisted and persisted. I had a chat to you and told you that people who don’t know you might think you’re a boy and you couldn’t care less. I empowered you with your choice. We cut your hair. And I supported you by speaking on your behalf whenever you wanted someone to know that you’re a girl but was too shy to say it yourself.

Your favorite sweatshirt was a grey one with a green dinosaur on it.

You were happy to wear any hand-me-downs from Theo.

And I was secretly proud that my girl doesn’t always look so girlie.

When you were three years old, you knew nothing about gender roles.

I bought you a wooden screws-and-bolts set. I thought it would be nice to buy something that defies the gender-stereotype.

You loved it!

You imagined the little screws were tiny figurines and they were all friends… I don’t think you ever actually used it to construct anything…

You taught me that, even though I can expose you to a variety of experiences, nature and natural tendencies will be the ones to dictate what you gravitate toward.

When you were three years old, you knew much more than other kids about sex.

We were reading The amazing true story of how babies are made and you were not phased by any of it.

You preferred being naked all the time, and your hands often explored and played with your vulva. I really struggled to convince you that being naked, and touching your private parts, in front of other people is making them feel uncomfortable, which is why you better not do it.  Truth be told, I still struggle to explain this to you to this day. It’s because I’m scared of pedophiles and people who will judge you. But I don’t want you to be aware of this yet. I don’t want you to feel scared just yet…

You were so excited about finding your clitoris. You said its shaped like the tip of an orange. And you asked me to touch it because it was such an exciting revelation.

You often went with me to the toilet when I went there, and you saw the blood whenever I had my period. You didn’t even think it’s strange and you didn’t say a thing.

I could see that when I relate to my sexuality in a natural way, you do as well.

Now you’re turning five.

You want to grow your hair long “like Rapunzel” (even though I avoid telling you old-school fairytales about princesses that need to be rescued);

You still like your dinosaur sweatshirt but you refuse to wear it because “it’s not a girl’s shirt”.

In fact, you refuse to wear anything that you consider to be boys’ clothes.

You have a few lego sets – but they are all “girlie” themed, which you chose by yourself. You spend 20% of the time building and 80% of the time playing with the figurines.

I still need to remind you that it’s not an acceptable thing in our society to walk around naked or to touch your private parts when other people are around.

You are asking me to have another baby and when I ask you how, you usually simply tell me who I should have it with… I secretly wish it was that simple.

You are turning five and I want you to know

That I started this website for you.

So that when you grow up, you feel comfortable, natural, and confident about your sexuality and sex-related choices.

The revolution has started a long time ago. There are so many amazing people in our ranks, and I am simply adding another voice to it. If I don’t add my voice to it, I’m contributing to a world that I don’t want you to live in.

I hope that by the time you’re mature enough to understand what I’m doing, this revolution will be obsolete.

And that you won’t need to add your voice to it – you could simply enjoy your sex life and not give it another thought.

Happy birthday little one.