I had an interesting discussion with one of my readers, about teachers and teachings.
There are so many amazing teachers out there, and at the end of the day, each one of us will resonate with a different teacher. There’s nothing wrong with that.
And still… Some teachers (or organizations that take it upon themselves to teach on behalf of a teacher) you need to be careful of.
Here’s an example that has to do with my favorite topic: Slow Sex.
As part of my private interest in Slow Sex, I read Nicole Daedone’s book Slow Sex.
I even mentioned OM (Orgasmic Meditation) which she’s teaching, in my free e-course.
But I want to be completely honest here: I never tried OMing. When I first read her book, I booked a “date” with my guy to try it, only to back out.
I felt it was too exposing, too intimidating, and I simply called it off.
Her Slow Sex method is too confronting for someone like me.
Although it is meditative and brings awareness into the sexual forefront – something which I highly appreciate and wish for everyone to be doing – I resisted.
What is OM?
Orgasmic Meditation is about stripping down all the shame and guilt and yuckiness that we associate with sex. It requires the woman to take off her clothes from the waist down. The next stage, the “giver” (be it man or woman) is slowly stroking the clitoris and both observing what happens. It’s not about trying to have an orgasm. It is about letting go of inhibitions and melting into the present moment.
Without going into all the details of the technique, you can probably see that it requires some guts. As in, how courageous does a woman need to be to let someone sit beside her, look at her vulva in full light, and stroke her clitoris for 15 minutes?
According to Nicole Daedone, and thousands of people who participated in her workshops, it is actually liberating.
My two cents will say that this method is so shocking to the system that some people might get over their fears and what-not enough to start to relax and enjoy themselves.
Reminds me a bit of throwing someone into the deep end of the pool to teach them how to swim: the fear of drowning will do the trick and they will most probably swim.
It is not necessarily the best method to teach someone to swim, though.
Nor OM is going to make everyone turn from someone with issues around sex to someone that is cool about sex.
Personally, I am into much more gentle Slow Sex techniques. Particularly, I believe that OM doesn’t contribute to the integration of our own innate sexuality into our everyday life. On the contrary, it pushes it to a specific corner. Which is something very dangerous.
Being Wary of the Cult
Pushing sexuality into a corner of your life is an excellent way to create more issues. And sure enough, recently I came across an article which described how OneTaste, which is the organization that teaches OM, has become cult-like. Now, I don’t know for a fact that everything that was written in this article is true. But I would advise everyone to be very cautious. Think about it: when you push someone to their emotional edge, how easy is it to brainwash them? To convince them that the entire world is “wrong” but the way your organization is doing things is healing for you so you should stick around?… Here is something that many of us do not understand.
Our brain is extremely naive.
We are very easily manipulated to believe whatever-it-is someone else wants us to believe.
This is especially true when you feel eager to heal yourself of some sort of malady and the institute you turn to claims it has all the answers.
It happens in all aspects of life – political, spiritual, medical. The list is endless.
Some people are more prone than others to being manipulated, but it can happen to the best of us.
I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
How do you know which teachers are genuine?
We live in a capitalistic society. We expect to pay for services. And everyone working in the organization need to pay their bills. So of course we should be paying.
If you don’t have sufficient funds and your teacher encourages you to borrow money in order to pay for their offerings; or if the cost is disproportionate to the offering. These are some of the signs your organization is simply greedy. In it for the money, not for your wellbeing.
Some hundred years ago values were easy to understand. We inherited them. Which is my way of saying, we adopted them blindly from our surroundings (usually dictated by our religion) and we simply had to follow suit. No questions asked.
These days our values are more flexible and fluid. But unless we examine our own values and understand them, we are either left to follow someone else’s values, or to behave with a complete lack of. When we join an organization or a teacher, we must check at every single point of the way that their behavior, and the behavior they expect from us, is in line with our intrinsic values. True, your values might change throughout your life. And you might be influenced by your organization’s/teacher’s values. Changing your values to reflect your acquired knowledge is actually a sign of wisdom. However, whenever your organization asks or requires you to do something that doesn’t feel right, you need to stop and ask yourself: is this in line with my values? If it’s not, you have to be firm and refuse.
So. Let’s admit it. Most of us are a bit fucked up around this topic. We’re confused, misguided, ashamed, embarrassed… And the list goes on. It’s really good if your teacher wants you to go to your edge to explore and to stretch your comfort zone. But you should never feel pushed, coerced, exploited or manipulated. And the decision to go beyond your comfort zone should always be yours. Always always always.
What feels like play to one person can feel like serious sexual misconduct to another.
Your teacher or organization need to understand this to the max and always meet you where you are. Never ever push you to where they want you to be. I can not stress this point highly enough.
Let me repeat this in other words: your teacher is actually responsible to make sure you are not hurt by their teachings.
If a teacher belittles you, or implies that you can’t progress without their help, this is not a true teacher. No exceptions. A true teacher knows that you can do it all completely by yourself. A good teacher understands that you can find everything you need within you. Or from other teachers. A genuine teacher empowers you to make your own decisions, including the one to leave them and find a different teacher.
And when it comes to sex, a true teacher will never do, say, or hint anything with the claim that touching someone that you are not absolutely 100% thrilled and excited to be touching, will cause any progression on some sort of path.
Some sages took it upon themselves to live a recluse lifestyle.
And we are all aware that our society has so many evil traits.
But if the teacher or organization you’re into tries to convince you that the only people you should associate with are other members of the organization, that’s a bad sign. You choose who to hang around with based on their personal merits and your mutual contribution to each other. Not based on which organization they affiliate themselves with.
Also, if the teachings imply that only the followers of this “true” path are the ones that can save the world from (enter catastrophy of your choice), that’s another bad sign. Anyone can save the world. No matter which God they are following or which prophecy they believe in. There are many ways to be part of the solution for a lost society. And you can choose how and with whom you will be making a difference.
Enjoy Becoming the change.
I know. This has become such a cliche: “be the change you want to see in the world”.
But who says change needs to cost you an arm and a leg? Be daunting? Or scary? Or that you need to make huge sacrifices?
How about having fun while changing the world?
How about learning to fully embrace who you are and start from there?
Becoming a better version of who you truly are requires no teacher.
You don’t need a teacher.
And if you want the support of one, make sure you choose wisely.