In this blog post, I will briefly go through the two main strategies that the commonplace sex advice fall into, and why they don’t actually work. Then I will explain the best strategy that is required in order for women to restore their ability to fully enjoy their sex life.
Mainstream media is inundated with information – internet discussions, magazines, health forums – all full of advice on how to enjoy sex and how to make the experience amazingly fantastic.
So how come so many women still don’t enjoy sex that much? Why don’t we simply implement those tips, take that libido pill, and have lots of fun all the time?
The truth is, the majority of advice we encounter, is usually a one-dimensional approach to a complex system that is forming the individual woman’s experience of her sex life.
We could categorize the tips into two main groups: Physical, and Emotional/Social conditioning.
Most of the tips that we find in the mainstream media fall under the Physical category. They are usually very technical and, to be honest, they mostly help those women who feel quite comfortable with sex to start with. These tips are along the lines of – which lubricant to use; how to stimulate the clitoris; how to find your G-spot; which sex toys to use; how to take care of your genitals, etc.
The tips that touch the core of the sexual dissatisfaction, fall under the Emotional/Social conditioning category. These tips will include advice like – make yourself feel sexy; talk to your partner about what you want; stop being embarrassed about your body; set up a sexy atmosphere, etc. These tips definitely point to the right direction – but they really are too simplistic to implement. I mean, if you don’t feel comfortable with telling your partner that you want him to touch you in a very specific way, reading that you “should” tell him, is not going to make a big difference now, is it? What you do need, is to learn how to overcome the barriers that hold you back from enjoying your full sexual potential. Sounds like something that can take years at the psychologist clinic, doesn’t it?
Funnily enough, the surest way of removing the emotional/social conditioning barriers to our sexual being is done through integrating the physical side of the sexual coin.
In other words, women who start practicing sex in the right way for them, are on the fastest track to removing their emotional/social conditioning barriers. It goes hand in hand.
WHAT IS THE RIGHT WAY FOR ME TO PRACTICE SEX?
Sex that is approached with a lot of loving attention, is the best way to start.
If you have a sex partner, have sex with them in a way that is super-aware, meditative, contemplative sort of way. This means taking things very slowly, paying attention to your body, thoughts, feelings, and any sensations that come up.
If you don’t have a partner, you could do some physical exercises that integrate loving attention to your genitals, and do them with the same attention as described before.
As soon as the right type of attention is drawn to the act of sex, the mind shift has already started. The mind shift is not necessarily conscious – it’s a subtle change that takes place without you even noticing it. It gently makes room for a new type of sex to shine through: sex that is loving, accepting, thrilling, positive. The type of sex that you longed for: the type of sex that you ENJOY.